Piece is very personal, rife with symbols. It contains my processing of death, life, healing, autism, and the complexities of life.
The wings, in particular, represent a young man named, Gabriel, who recently died very suddenly. Autism, being inseparable from the person, played some parts in the tragic events leading up to his death. I am aware that, many times, my own life could have played out in a similar fashion.
Gabriel, may I never forget your memory. You taught me so much, and yet, I rarely ever heard you speak.
The doctor… I try to avoid going to any, but that isn’t possible.
I saw a doctor a few weeks ago who was so awful that I still struggle to grasp the appointment. I went for pain management of the symptoms of a genetic disorder I have, a disease that has nothing to do with reproductive health. The doctor didn’t seem to be interested in doing his job, but rather spent at least 20 minutes interrogating me about gender and reproductive differences. He pushed against my attempts to redirect the conversation back to his actual field of medicine so he could persist in asking about my chromosomes, genitals, hormones, and body hair distribution. His displeasure at my response, “I feel like me,” to his question, “Do you feel more like a woman or do you feel more like a man?” was glaringly obvious. It was a maddening experience. I felt like his personal freak show exhibit, and he did not provide me with medical care in his specialty even though I was asking for a safer, less risky treatment option than what I am currently prescribed from my PCP for pain management.
Beautiful intersex people, how do you deal with discrimination in healthcare?
What challenges have you faced? Have you overcome any idea of them? If yes, how?
Body of Work: Stories of My Life, ‘Today’
© Intersex James, June, 2016.
Today is the time to bloom, time for truth to burst fourth and reveal its true beauty. Today is time to let all false constructs fall away. Today is the time to live the best day of your life yet. Today is awesome, risky, and beautiful. Today is time to bloom.
Greetings, Wonderful People!
Today I have decided to endeavor on an adventure of specifically, and intentionally, affirming everyone with whom I interact.
Won’t you join me in spreading some love? If you do, please share your experiences!!!
And here is a bit of good vibrations for Saturday song of the week! Love & Light
Today my mind, and body, and spirit, and every essence of my existence swirls in a chaotic mix of pure overwhelming everythingness. The sound is too much. The light is too much. The dark is too much. The tastes are too much. The emotions are too much. Words are both too many, too complex, and yet also too few.
And I paint.
I paint lest my very brain matter itself start oozing through every orifice of my skull.
Somehow, I must be my own unique person. I must adapt to survive, yet maintain my identity. I’ve broken from decades of masking, from the pressure to conform, to put on a costume of normal and play a series of parts that life never actually cast me to play, yet some how, I was handed the lines and acted the parts until I broke.
Now in broken mirrors, I see small bits, promises and prisms, a future of hope in shattered bits. A mosaic of true life waits to spring to life. As an artist, I will chose to trust the divine creative energies to let this body of work (my life) unfold.
I remember the DARE campaign from my childhood, and it strikes me as so ironic as my body was pumped with hormonal drugs during those same years and beyond. I remember the “This is your brain on drugs” egg public service announcements, and I realize I relate to them in ways never intended.
Being forced on hormonal drugs from childhood messed with my mind and body in disastrous ways. Two decade of hormonal drugs left me suicidal, depressed, and very confused. 7 months off these drugs feels like stepping out of someone else’s life and finally into my own. I am reclaiming my natural body and it truly amazes me how much change is happening. Sex hormones change fat distribution on the body, muscle mass and other health factors. I am actually getting healthier without this alleged medically necessary hormonal “treatments”.
To the best of my knowledge, this alleged “treatment” of forcing hormones on the bodies of intersex kids is still being done today under the guise of good medicine. This so wrong and should not be happening.
Body of Work: Stories of My Life, ‘Sociological Dysphoria’
© Intersex James, May, 2016.
I had difficulty knowing what to title this piece to convey the meaning I feel behind this piece… ‘Social Constructs’ ‘Body Image’, etc. I didn’t know until I thought for awhile and realized that much of what I am feeling is derived from the culture around me and the way my life and my body were handled outside of my control. Also, I was told if I didn’t take hormonal drugs I would grow up to “look like a circus freak” and I have these damning fear still prevailing as I reclaim my natural body.